Women and Their Derrieres

Somebody ‘Splain to Me…

Why is it that some women become trapped in a time warp, back when their rear ends were attractive, and something to flaunt? The Jay-lo butt loses its appeal with age, unless constantly firmed up or suctioned off. Many women today do not understand that it isn’t so much the size of the butt, as it is it’s composition, that make it attractive or not.

I ask this question because of the number of Black, and now other women well past forty (and should therefore know better) on dating and networking sites, contorting themselves into poses designed to expose their bottoms in all their former glory. It’s like a body dysmorphic syndrome, but for the buttox.

When such women were 17, boys and men would take a first and second approving look. When these ladies hit 25, men and boys were subject to injure a vertebrae, in an effort to extend the length of their view. But by 45, the boys don't even notice, most men avoid looking, and the only ones gawking now are corner hangers, and that newly homeless 'catch' camping out in the bus enclosure.

So when these women pose themselves to display a rear end that’s now rumpled, dimpled, heart-shaped, or as wide as Kansas, one must ask-'what do they see when they look at their photos?' Do they have a purloined carnival mirror at home that distorts and refects a more attractive shape? Perhaps they have a bizarro-gene that reverses the image reference of their stomach and derriere. Some women actually have a behind flat enough to look good as a stomach, and a stomach so round that it would make a really nice Jay-lo.

Someone needs to send these ladies an email, fax, or smoke signal, explaining that life has different phases. What was fun, exciting, and attractive at 25, is likely to be less so at 45. Try riding every roller coaster at an amusement park at age 45 they way you did at 15, and you will understand my point. If you don’t get it right away, wait until the next day when your neck and head feel like the tumble cycle of an electric dryer.

Men are guilty of similar bizarro body-crimes. The muscle-shirt guys, who had nice muscular arms and tight abs twenty years ago, somehow manage to still see those old arms. Yet they don’t see the huge eruption of a gut over-hanging their ever expanding waist-line. And another pet peeve of mine are these grown-azz men wearing their hats backwards on a regular basis. Switching it back at a cook out or ball game for attitude is one thing, but at the market, to work, or on a date is something else. Even my boy Al Bundy had the sense to pack his high school jersey away, along with his disco era gold plated rope chain.

While I ponder this curious phenomenon, maybe one of you out there will supply the answer. If I were to venture a guess, I’d say that the culprit is President Obama....they blame him for everything else, why not this too?

Tnasiti speaks, all rights reserved 2010